VAMPIRES: A HUMOR NEWS NUTS INVESTIGATION

10-31 FULL MOON: ROXANNE By Mike Colin Paranormal Investigative Reporter Humor News Nuts Publications I was resting up from a long weekend when I heard the doorbell ring. I opened the door and found an old man and a much younger woman standing on my front porch. The old man wasted no time introducing himself. “My name is Professor Van Helsing and this is my grand niece Mina.” The old man and his grand niece brushed past me into my house before I could say anything. “You are Mike Colin I presume,” said Professor Van Helsing in some sort of Scandinavian accent. “Yeah, I am,” I said. I would have thrown them both out just because they were so pushy but, Mina had a great looking smile. Mina was slim, blond, blue eyed and in her early twenties. I was hoping she was some sort of mail order girlfriend I ordered on the Internet when I had too much beer last weekend. ”Can I help you and Mina with something? I asked. Mina looked at me and winked. She was beautiful. I ...

THE BLEEDS On human blood the vampire feeds, Fulfilling his abnormal needs, Souls transformed into vampire seeds, They prowl the night and spread the bleeds. By Mike Colin Reportor, Human News Nuts Last week I went down state to Mt. Pleasant Michigan, home of Central Michigan University. I went down after my old buddy Lenny (The Bleeder) Devine called me up and insisted he needed my help to solve some big problem he had regarding his girlfriend. He made me promise to drive down to Mt. Pleasant as soon as I could and meet him at Burger King. We used to call him “The Bleeder” because he used to get nose bleeds all the time. I figured his fingernails were too long and scratched up the inside of his nasal cavity. He of course denied his finger ever went into his nose. I met Lenny at the Burger King which was just off the I-75 overpass in Mt. Pleasant. We each had a coffee and talked about the great year the CMU Chips football team was having. The Chips ended up taking th...

INTERVIEWS WITH VAMPIRES STEPHANIE By Mike Colin Associate Humor News Nuts Publications In honor of Halloween (All Hallows Eve) I have been assigned to search out local vampires and interview them for this blog. I have no other formal duties for this month. This assignment could literally bite. Luckily, I did not have to look far for my first interviewee (vampire victim). It seems my girlfriend Stephanie is a vampire. What luck for me, hey? I always thought she was just one of those Goth people. She dresses in black and wears black eye make-up and nail polish. Her arms each have a pair of fangs on them with drips of blood tattoos running down from the fangs. I thought she was kind of cool. I met Stephanie at a really exclusive club. I was living under a bridge at the time (living under bridges is called trolling in Northern Michigan). Since I was just a local troll, I was never allowed in the exclusive night club called “Jack’s Bloody Brew”. Jack’s is one of those...

by Tim Colin My brother Mike is currently working on another story about his relationships with his vampire girlfriends. It should come out by the end of April. Meanwhile, I have been asked by the owners of this web site to say that vampires are clearly one group that is discriminated against. Vampires are often discriminated against by landlords and employers. Many people feel that vampires are dangerous persons in the neighborhood, but there are no statistical analysis to back up such claims. According to all the medical journals "vampires are just people without a pulse and have an insatiable appetite for fresh human blood." I have grown up in Northern Michigan which is a region full of vampires, werewolves, witches, gnomes, elves, sorcerers, ghosts and alien space monsters. As a child growing up just outside of Traverse City Michigan, I became use to seeing various non-humans on a day to day basis. This year a local business group is paying me to be a spokesman ...